The Problem with Online Solicitations

Whoa this is a tough one!

I’ll try to simplify it for myself and my own sanity.

Recently I went from “stealth mode” to “regular mode” on FB. I noticed I started to get friend requests again. I didn’t really know where they were coming from either. I thought it was from mutual friends (some were) however it turned out that in one instance, FB was “advertising” my profile through their “suggestions list of friends” to add-on. Upon further investigation, I found that the person requesting to be added, shared virtually nothing in common with me. We didn’t share the same likes, interests or friends. So I don’t know why FB would do that. Of course FB does a lot of questionable things, but let’s leave that for another post! 

Anyway, I started getting messages. One of them was pretty direct.

“…am an engineer into building and construction contracts, when i came across your profile, I was captivated by your simplicity and good look, I am looking for my best friend, which will hopefully lead to something much more special. I am sincere and caring also attentive, I want a serious one on one relationship with one woman, leading to best friends eventually marriage, I love to cuddle, hold hands, public show of affection is never a problem, am very serious about finding someone for a long-term relationship, hope to hear from you soonest.
Hug and kisses”

“Looking for My Best Friend”

Shoot, you haven’t found them yet? Ideally you’d want to have more than one best friend. Putting it all on just one person is too much. The pressure! Possible divorcée here.

“Eventually Marriage”

Da, da, da, dah…

Oh, some women fall for that. Add the “building and construction contracts” and bam one might think you’re a millionaire. And maybe he is. I don’t care. If you’re rich, you don’t need to send messages on FB to get women interested in you.

“Love to Cuddle, Hold Hands, Public Show of Affection”

Dude, I don’t know who the fuck you are. Why are you telling me this?

“Long Term Relationship”

There you have it. The problem. You can’t create long-term anything on a few lines of text on Messenger. It’s the assumption here really of one who is self-involved in essence. How do you impose yourself like that to assume that anyone is available out there and desperate as you are? Women and men are not fish. They’re not. I’m going to repeat myself here. No. They’re. Not. The saying “there’s plenty of fish out there in the sea”…is a LIE.

Scientifically speaking, the world is over-fished and the bluefin tuna is an endangered species. It’s a safe bet that despite 7 billion people on the planet, there is not a lot of fish to fish for. Because if you can’t tell by current events, more than 75% are plain loco-en-la-cabeza crazy so that cuts the fish farm pool down considerably. You don’t just throw the reel out and catch anybody. Not for a fairy tale long-term relationship. That only happens in the moo0vies, dude.

Red Flag

This type of solicitation is a red flag for predatory behavior. You’re imposing your wants and desires on a complete stranger. And expecting said stranger because they look “cute” in their photo to go along gullibly with your proposition. Like I have nothing else better to do.

I think one would have a greater chance of success implementing this strategy on the red light district part of your town. You’ll be a few hundred dollars short but your wants will be satisfied in the short-term.

But really Schmoto, what if you really do want to meet Prince Charming or Cinderella?

My advice: Don’t stay locked up in the attic sending out insta-messages. Go out to the ball and stay for a while. Get to know them really, really well. And that could take years. I made the mistake of finding out too late.

And sometimes you can get really lucky. That happens once in a blue moon.
If you do, then you’re one lucky dog. Arf! Arf!

Featured Image: “Joker ~Leto style” ©2016 photoschmoto
Taken at the 2016 Comicon in Chicago.


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